been thinking lately

which, by the way, is never good.

but ANYWAYS,

I've been thinking, and I think I should have definitely stayed in Rowlett/Garland this year.

All my friends minus like 2 or 3 live there, my boyfriend lives there during the week and I could see him way more often, job opportunity, while still bad, is leaps and bounds better than in Denton. I still could have taken a good amount of classes at Richland and just taken a few that I needed for my major this summer or something.

Mistake.

Oh well, can't change it now and def can't move back.

This summer I really want an apartment. I know I need roommates, but I think I could find a few pretty easy. Now I just need a job to start saving up for that said apartment.

and to go to NY with Bernard and Abbey, of course :]

Biggest solution to everything? Find a job fast. I need a lead, damnit!

why

am I the evil one for not liking that a lot of my friends have ditched me for drugs.

why does that make me the bad guy? I'm supposed to be like "oh you just do whatever you want, who am I to tell you how to live your life?"

you're right, I have no right to tell you how to live your life.

but I have all the reason to be really disappointed in you and to feel betrayed by you.

not too many people seem to agree with me and it drives me crazy that I'm always made to look like the bad guy.

Christian was making me think

I really want to dress up sometime soon.

but I need some dress pants that don't suck and actually fit.

let's hope for that soooooon! :]

Tests

I feel like I'm tested a lot. Like, nothing is ever simple or easy for me, except for my apartment which my dad is helping me out soooooo much with
but I mean, like, in school and with relationships, platonic and romantic.
I've never had the "normal" people as my friends. In middle school we were the weird anime and video game kids. Then, at the end of middle school I found out I liked boys and that was another test, to survive your entire middle school knowing you were gay.
Then, going to a high school where you had like 3 friends sucked was pretty terrible.
North was okay, I can't complain about that besides not having many friends my age, but I didn't care about that.
Now, I have a boyfriend that lives an hour away who I currently cannot contact at all, close friends who live the same distance and I can only see once every two weeks tops, and a family I'd rather not talk to right now.
I guess maybe I pick to make these tests? I'd like to think I don't, but it seems like I never pick the easy way through anything. Oh well.

I don't think anything in that paragraph made any sense at all, but it helped to type it out.

and p.s. to you, sir, I hope you miss me as much as I miss you.

I get the feeling you don't.

hopefully I'm wrong.

to go from

talking to someone every day to not having any contact whatsoever with them.

sucks.

I already hated the idea of a long distance relationship...

idk if I can do it where I can only talk to the person when their dad leaves for a bit.

fuck this I need you really badly right now ;___________;