Sometimes I wonder

if the reason no one really talks to me is how I look.

I have super spiky hair,
acne,
really pale skin,
baggy casual clothes 24/7
actually nice shoes instead of toms or loafers or some shit

and I wonder if that turns people off? Like, I know gay guys don't like it because I don't give a fuck how I dress, but I wonder if it ever deters people from talking to me.

I've thought about cutting all my hair off and wearing gay clothes before...
but why should I have to do that to fit in with a group I don't even like?

Oh well, just a thought running through my mind today.

and p.s., I like the way I dress and the way my hair looks a lot, actually. I kinda model those things after what I would like my partner to look like a little bit. But there aren't gay people that dress like that, like, at all.

Well

cried again.

95% of my friends don't talk to me anymore or decided I'm a bad person and that I judge everyone.

No gay guy will ever like me.

Don't mean to sulk, but it just sucks.

Damn

every day I care less and less about school.

I don't care about any classes I'm taking, I don't want to be a psychologist really and there's not much you can do with the degree I am headed towards anyway.

I feel like no matter what choice I make, it's a mistake.

If I drop out after this semester, I can still get my associates, but idk what I can even really do with that.

An idea I had was to get my AA and try to be like a bank teller or something, a job that pays fairly well so that I can save up some money. I'd live with my dad for a while until I saved some money. Then, I want to get my own place and go to cosmetology school.

but that's just an idea.

and I don't think I'm ready to leave g-town yet. I know that probably sounds lame, but I like it there. I really do like a lot of the people and I don't mind the city at all.

I just don't know what to do, everything seems like the wrong choice. I just hate being alone here all the time doing something I really don't care about.

I wish you and me

weren't the only people that think I was fucked over.

I'm not saying that I want people to sit and grovel at my feel and stuff...

but shit, NO ONE but you even felt bad for me. Everyone was like "oh well, get over it". or thought that he didn't do anything wrong.

I remember when I first started going out with him, everyone said "if you hurt his feelings, I'll fuck you up" and stuff like that.

then he really hurt my feelings and broke my heart...

and no one did a damn thing.

Well, Braulio and you did, but pretty much everyone thought it was no big deal.

and they became EVEN BETTER FRIENDS with him.

What did I do wrong?

I would have loved

for you two to meet.

you were the two most important males in my life. One my boyfriend and one my non-heriditary brother

I think we all would have gotten along a lot and had a lot of fun.

but now I don't have either of you.

stuff doesn't always work out how you want it to though I guess. Maybe one day I'll have both of you guys back and we can watch a movie together or something. Until then I'll keep moving and keep trying to be happy.

I just really wish you guys were here to experience it with me.