Hey Reed

I fucking hate you.

you're a horrible human being.

you try to act like you're so fucking innocent and nice.

you're conceited about your "intelligence", playing ability, and looks *barf*

you're fucking disgusting when it comes to sexual stuff

you would steal someone's boyfriend in a SECOND if it meant you could get with the person.

I don't understand why people don't see how much of an axewound you really are except for me and a couple of other people.

I wish I never had to hear your name or see you again.

get the FUCK out of my life.

while it's on my mind

you asked me what being in love was like.

I had to think about it for a bit, but I'll do my best. This is just to me, but hopefully it'll help you understand a bit.

Love is when one person tells you that you're okay the way you are.

that you are special to them like no one else is.

that you're worth going out of their way to make happy

that you are beautiful no matter what

that you are fun to be with whether you have money or not.

that even if you disagree on an issue, you care about the person enough to look past it/work through it

And when that person leaves or gives up.

it makes you feel like everything they did or said was a lie or not true.

That's why it's so hard to deal with someone leaving.

at least to me.

why do I

have to be the unhappy one?

I did EVERYTHING for you.

I went against my better judgement and stayed with you.

and you spit in my face.

I still like you a lot,

but I will never have respect for you and I will never forgive you for taking my trust and my heart and smashing them.

The person I'm talking to now just told me he was basically a fake and I'm almost repulsed by him now.

I feel like if I stay the way I am I will never find anyone.

But why should I have to change for everyone else?

Why do I have to be the unhappy one?

I really enjoy being nice to people and helping people, but now I'm afraid that this is going to happen again.

Why?

What did I ever do to deserve to have that happen to me?

I don't think I'll ever be able to understand that.

Hearts aren't rented out, they're given as a gift of good will. You trust the person to take care of it and love it just like you take care of theirs. Hopefully someone can repair my feelings, because for now I have 0 interest in giving broken equipment to people.

I'm not sure if anyone would ever want to get this thing anyways, apparently it's not any good anyways.

:/ when will I get the good things I KNOW I deserve? I'd like to know...

Operation

surround myself with as many people as humanly possible before I have to leave to distract myself from being in a relationship for 6 months with someone who didn't actually give a fuck about me a SUCCESS!

Until Monday, that is :/

Dang

that was the first time I cried in a

looooooooooooooong

time.

and over someone who probably didn't even like me that much.

damn.

oh well, gotta keep moving.

When I get back to school is when it's going to be awful. I'm going to need to surround myself with friends for sure :3